


You Put a Fever Inside Me, And I've Been Cold Since You Left

by SupernaturalCat



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, DICE being supportive, DICE forcing Kokichi to take a break, Domestic Fluff, Don't Judge Me, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Lotsa self hate, M/M, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, Oma Kokichi Is Bad at Feelings, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Shuichi's actually smart, Sick Character, Sickfic, i dont know, i spell ouma with a u, kokichi fucks up, not like cutting or anything, obviously, oumasai, saiouma, shuichi takes care of kokichi, technically, uh, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27873529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalCat/pseuds/SupernaturalCat
Summary: Kokichi is sick, and DICE calls Shuichi to take care of him.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 307





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just wanted to say thanks to anyone that reads this, it's my first fanfic that I'm posting. If anyone has any writing advice or something for me, I'd appreciate it! Also, I suck with titles, so I just used lyrics from a song. If anyone's interested, the song I used is Haunting by Halsey.

“Oh come on, you _cannot_ kick me out! I'm the leader, I'm the only one that gets to kick anyone out!” Kokichi takes in their unimpressed expressions and decides to switch tactics, suddenly bursting into tears. “You guys don't want me here, you're so mean!”

“Boss, you're sick. Even if we did go out tonight you'd just drag us down. You need to rest and get better before we can do anything fun with you,” says the person guiding him to the door and he flinches because ouch, she's not pulling any punches.

Kokichi pulls his arm out from her firm grip, and immediately stumbles as the world starts to sway around him, which forces another member of DICE to dart in and catch him. So yeah, maybe he’s a bit sick, but he could weather through it, it's not like he hasn't before!

“Come on guys, I'm fine! And even if I was a bit sick, which I'm not, we could just do something a bit less energy consuming!” Kokichi protests in vain, knowing that once his team sets their mind on something that they won't budge.

“Boss, you have a fever. You look like shit. You are going back home and resting,” a third person says firmly as they pick up their phone and start to do something. “I'm calling your boyfriend to come pick you up.”

“Saihara is not my boyfriend, you limpdick!”

“Chill boss, go sit down.”

Kokichi struggles in vain, swearing vehemently when the person holding him up lets go for a second, causing black spots to appear in his vision, and his knees start to buckle before they grab onto him again and help him over to the couch.

Kokichi doesn't even realize he's started to doze off until there's a knock at the door that jolts him out of his stupor. He watches as a DICE member opens the door and exchanges some words with the person in the hallway before they let the person in. The person darts over to Kokichi, muttering something about idiot friends that can't take care of themselves before crouching down next to him.

 _Shuichi. They called Shuichi. They called Shuichi and he came to help. Is he… worried?_ He shakes off the thought as soon as it comes. He probably just feels responsible to make sure Kokichi doesn't die or something. _Yeah, that's it_ , he thinks, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in his stomach that came with that thought.

Shuichi opens his mouth to say something, but Kokichi cuts him off before he can say anything, not wanting to hear it. “Did my organization pressure you into coming to pick me up? I bet they threatened you or something. Anyways, you can go away now, it was just a trick. They just wanted to lure you here so that they could kill you! Better run while you still have a chance!” Kokichi sits up quickly with a grin, ignoring the black spots that pop up in his vision.

Shuichi frowns, his brows scrunching together in an adorable way that makes Kokichi giggle. Shuichi just looks more worried at that.

“Kokichi, you look really sick. Do you think you can stand? If not, I think I might be able to carry you out to the car.” he reaches out his hand as if to check Kokichis temperature, but Kokichi bats his hand away with a grin.

“Yeah, carry me in your arms like a princess! Oh, I might be so happy I pass out! But that's a lie,” Kokichi examines his nails with feigned disinterest. “I don't want Shuichi’s gross hands touching me. Of course I can walk, I'm not nearly that sick. Just a small cold, everyone's overreacting.”

What Kokichi doesn't say is that he thinks he might pass out if he does try to stand up, or that he would actually very much like to be carried by Shuichi because he's suppressing shivers, and Shuichi looks very warm indeed.

Luckily, Shuichi’s used to Kokichis antics by now and rolls his eyes before swooping in and lifting Kokichi up bridal style, much to the smaller boys surprise. Kokichi feels his already warm face heat up a bit, suddenly glad that because of his fever, no one will notice.

“Wow Shuichi! Looks like going to the gym with Kaito and Maki has really paid off! You just lifted me up like it was nothing, look at me, I'm _drooling_.”

The blue haired boy just shifts Kokichi in his arms then starts to head over to the door which one of the DICE members is helpfully holding open for them.

“Come on~ respond, you're boring when you're all quiet and broody my beloved detective!” Kokichi whines as he tries not to melt in the taller boys arms.

“You're really light. Have you been skipping meals?” is all Shuichi says, to Kokichis annoyance. He's starting to get a headache and wants a distraction.

“I eat enough, I'm just small! Aww, was little Shuichi worried about me? How sweet. Utterly adora-” Kokichi is cut off by a gust of cold air caused by them exiting the building. He shivers violently despite his best efforts to stay still and Shuichi looks down with a worried expression on his face.

“Don't worry, we’re almost to my car.” Shuichi pulls him a bit closer to his chest as he says those words and Kokichi gives in and just absorbs his warmth with a sigh.

“Good,” is all he says, distracted by the fact that Shuichi is basically hugging him at this point, allowing himself to savor the feeling.

They reach the car and Shuichi buckles him into the passengers seat, before getting in the car himself. Kokichi falls asleep during the short ride, the steady hum of the engine lulling him into feeling secure and warm.

When they reach their destination he barely stirs when he's picked up. He feels himself get placed on a soft bed and his shoes get taken off before he's wrapped in a blanket and he hears Shuichi start to leave. Without thinking he grabs Shuichi's hand and tugs at it feebly.

“Stay… please?” he murmurs and tries to look at the taller boy, then whimpers as the bright light causes his headache to suddenly get worse.  
After a second he feels the bed dip right next to his head and a hand in his hair.

“Do you need anything? Are you hungry, thirsty, cold?” Shuichi murmurs quietly, his hand leaving Kokichis head.

“I jus’ want you to stay,” he says with a quiet yawn. Shuichi scooches a bit closer and Kokichi immediately latches onto him, pulling the startled Shuichi down into a hug. For a moment Shuichi just sits there frozen in surprise, and Kokichi thinks that he might have overstepped a boundary, but then Shuichi calms down and puts his arms around Kokichi hesitantly, and Kokichi nuzzles his face in Shuichi's chest contentedly.

“Get some sleep now Kichi.”

Kokichi feels a warm feeling spread through him when Shuichi uses the nickname, and without even realizing it responds before falling asleep almost immediately.

“Love you.”

Shuichi freezes before looking down at Kokichi to find him asleep already. Did he even realize he said anything? Probably not. Then did he mean it? Was it just because he was sick and being taken care of? Probably. He's just sick and confused, it doesn't mean anything. There's _no way_ Kokichi could ever love him.

Despite his cruel thoughts Shuichi decides to put it out of his mind for now and try to get some sleep. Kokichi is really, really warm, and it's late.

But just because, before he closes his eyes and surrenders to the irresistible tug of his drowsiness, he whispers out one more sentence.

“I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi wakes up somewhere that isn't his apartment, without his detective in bed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This next chapter is kinda short, and that's because this fic was originally just going to be a oneshot, with around 1k words. Then all the sudden it started writing itself, and I'm expecting around SIX chapters, and about 10k words. So not long per se, but way longer than it was originally intended to be. I hope you enjoy!

Kokichi wakes up slowly, with a sense of something being wrong. The first thing that he notices is that the bed he's on and the blankets covering him aren't the ones he wakes up to every morning. Instead of the normal colorful patterns he usually sees on his comforter he just sees dark blue. His are also silky, as opposed to the soft material of these ones. Everything smells different too, more warm and gentle. Then he realizes that he fell asleep with someone in the bed with him as well, and that someone was… 

Suddenly he bolts straight up regretting it immediately when he feels a spike of pain jolt through his head. Baaad idea. After his body calms down he looks around, and yep- this isn't his room. This room consists of a bed, a desk, and dresser. The room has two doors, and he assumes one leads to a bathroom or maybe a closet, while the other leads out of the room. Where is he? What happened? He remembers DICE calling Shuichi to come pick him up, then falling asleep with Shuichi but he assumed that Shuichi brought him to the apartment he shares with the nasty pig whore, Miu. But this definitely isn't his bed, and his room looks nothing like this. This rooms color scheme is mainly blue and black, with some white, whereas his room doesn't really even _have_ a color scheme.

He comes to the conclusion that in his half asleep state he must not have noticed being brought somewhere other than his apartment. Now that he thinks about it, his apartment is at _least_ a twenty minute drive from the place he met with DICE last night, and the drive felt much shorter than that.

After a minute of thought, he stands up, this time slowly so as to minimize the pain and dizziness, then carefully heads over to the door next to the bed. Inside he finds a bathroom consisting of a bathtub, shower, and toilet. Nothing special, so Kokichi closes the door with a quiet sigh, and heads to the other door.

He opens it and sees a living room right in front of him, and when he walks forward a bit more he sees a kitchen connected to it. In the kitchen stands Shuichi, talking on the phone with someone.

“Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to stay home from work for a couple days. Yeah, I'm fine, but-” the taller male sighs before continuing. “- it's Kokichi. He's really sick. Yes, _really_ sick Detective Kirigiri. I checked his temperature today and he has a fever of one hundred and three degrees, I can't just leave him alone, you've met him, he won't take care of himself.” he pauses then Kokichi sees his ears and neck turn red with embarrassment. “Detective Kirigiri, y-you know that- okay, okay, fine. See you in a few days. Yes, thank you. I promise.”

After he hangs up, Kokichi watches as he leans on the counter and mutters something under his breath, then fills a cup with water, and grabs a bottle of pills on the counter before turning back towards his bedroom to see Kokichi standing over there.

“K-Kokichi? What are you doing up? Y-you should be in bed, you have a really high fever, and…” 

“Well, I woke up somewhere that isn't my apartment, without my beloved detective tucked into bed with me, so I was a bit confused. Where are we?” Kokichi inquires, leaning against the wall, refusing to show that he can feel his energy quickly draining.

“Uh, m-my apartment was quite a bit closer than yours was, and I honestly just wanted to get you into a bed and resting as quickly as possible. S-sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”

Kokichi stares at him with a blank expression before pulling himself together enough to laugh with a wide but fake smile on his face and respond.

“Wow, if you wanted to get me into a bed you shoulda just asked!” he winks cheerfully at Shuichi before frowning. “But you really shouldn't skip work just for me. Normally I'd be all for you taking a few days off work to relax and have fun, but if you drive me home I can take care of myself. I can get Miu to help me out if I really need it as well. You don't have to force yourself to take care of me.”

On one hand Kokichi can't help but want Shuichi to take care of him, to nurse him back to health. He craves the attention, especially from the man he- nope, _not_ going there. But he can't help but feel like Shuichi’s just doing it because he feels like he has to, and he really doesn't want to inconvenience him.

Shuichi looks at him timidly. “Do you… want to leave?”

“Of course! Why would I want to stay _here_ with _you_? Honestly, Miu’s presence is preferable.” Kokichi pretends to inspect his nails, while inwardly he's yelling at himself. Shuichi gets a hurt look in his eyes and flinches away before scratching at his neck.

_Stupid stupid stupid._

“W-well, if you really want to go, I guess I can-”

“That wasn't true. I lied. I-I guess staying here with you wouldn't be the worst thing…” Kokichi gets quieter as he continues talking, but it was worth it to see Shuichi's relieved smile. “But uh, I think I'm about to pass out so…”

Shuichi nods firmly. “Right. Let's get you to bed.” He sets down the items he was holding then half carries Kokichi to bed. After that he goes and grabs the medicine and water again, making sure Kokichi drinks all the water and takes some of the medicine. Kokichi falls asleep soon after, with Shuichi's hand in his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you found any mistakes please point them out so I can fix them, I edited but I usually miss things. The next chapter is mostly done, so expect it in a few days, maybe a week. I also wanted to say that I cant promise an update schedule, but I'm hoping to finish this within the next 1-2 months, since I'm feeling good about my writing. And again, I'm sorry about the short chapter. it was originally WAY longer, but I decided that it would work a bit better if I split it. That's also why the next chapter is mostly done as well.  
> One final thing? I now understand why fanfic writers are so happy when they get bookmarks, kudos and comments, and I just wanted to thank everyone that has done any of those things!  
> Have a great day!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi gets better in Shuichis care, then of course, fucks everything up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoy this chapter, its the longest one yet. I just wanted to put a warning for self harm, and I'll also be adding it to the tags. It's nothing like cutting and not really on purpose, but I just wanted to make sure, you know? Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Kokichi wakes up every now and then, usually with Shuichi at his side. When Shuichi is there he often grabs his hand before falling back asleep. 

One time when Kokichi wakes up he doesn’t feel very tired at all. But he does feel bored, so _very_ bored. And of course Shuichi isn't in the room, and Kokichi can't hear him in the attached bathroom.

Kokichi considers his options. Option one, try to find something interesting in the room via rummaging through Shuichi's stuff. Option two, go look for Shuichi. He quickly discards the first idea because the most interesting thing in this room is Shuichi's desk, which is apparently where Shuichi works on his cases, and he doesn't want to upset Shuichi by invading his privacy. So the second option it is, he decides.

He immediately regrets his decision when he stands up, but refuses to give up and sit back down. This determination brings him out to the living room before his legs start to tremble and he lunges for the couch in desperation. Luckily he lands on it, and sits there breathing heavily for a minute. After he catches his breath, and everything stops spinning, he looks around the living room and kitchen from the couch. The layout is fairly open so he can see everywhere but inside of the other bathroom in the apartment and a closet. It's a small apartment, he observes thoughtfully, and not very cozy. Everything is pretty clean and plain, and the personal items that Kokichi can see are few and far between.

But most importantly, Shuichi isn't here. Kokichi reaches for his phone before realizing that he left it on the bedside table in Shuichi's room.

“For fucks sake,” Kokichi hisses spitefully. Of  _ course _ he would walk all the way to the living room, nearly collapsing in doing so,  _ just _ to realize he has to go back. He should've just texted Shuichi in the first place. 

He's starting to sit up slowly, getting ready to try and make his way back to the bedroom when he hears the sound of the front door unlocking and his gaze darts up quickly, body tensing. When he sees that it's just Shuichi he calms down and rolls his eyes internally, because of course it's him, who else would it be?

Shuichi sees him sitting there and furrows his brow slightly, shaking his head as he walks past him to the kitchen, setting the bags on the counter before he speaks.

“What are you doing out here?” Shuichi inquires as he moves to stand next to Kokichi.

“I got bored. Like seriously Shuichi, your room is so  _ plain _ . You should really add some more personal touches to it. And color, color would be nice. Anyways, you weren't in the room with me so I came out here to look for you. But alas, you weren't here either. Where  _ were  _ you?” Kokichi pouts dramatically as he finishes

“I, uh, I went to go get some groceries. I wanted to make you some soup and I didn't have half the things I needed. A-and, I also went to your apartment to get you some clothes,” Shuichi starts to blush as he says the last part and Kokichi cocks his head.

“How did you get in?”

Shuichi's face turns even redder as he says, “I-Iruma let me in. Sh-she implied that we… a-anyways I got you some clothes, so feel free to change into them!” Shuichi practically squeaks out the last bit then hands Kokichi the bag of clothing.

Kokichi can't help but grin at how adorable Shuichi was being, though he isn't really surprised. The things that Miu says have always flustered the taller boy a bit.

“Okie dokie, my beloved detective! Thank you so  _ very _ much.” Kokichi manages to stand up and get back to the bedroom without making a fool of himself, and quickly changes into a pair of dark sweats and a purple T-shirt, both made of soft material. He lays back down on the bed and falls asleep despite his attempts to stay awake, exhausted from all the moving around.

A bit later, when he wakes up again, Shuichi makes him eat some soup and crackers before he lets him fall back asleep. The soup’s a little bit too salty for Kokichis taste, but otherwise pretty good.

After that Kokichi wakes up to see it's dark out, and that Shuichi has fallen asleep leaning against the headboard.

He can't help but marvel at how peaceful Shuichi looks, bathed in moonlight. It accentuates the contrast between his dark hair and pale skin. It also shows off his freakishly long lashes. Like seriously, they're like an inch long! With a sigh he reaches over and gently wakes him up.

“Hey beloved, that can't be comfortable. Come on.” he carefully pulls a half-asleep Shuichi down so he's laying next to him. Shuichi then moves towards him a bit so Kokichi carefully wraps his arms around him. 

After they get settled down, Shuichi murmurs something to himself.

“Hmm? I didn't hear you my beloved detective.”

“I said you're sweet, Kichi.” Shuichi pinches Kokichis arm.

Kokichi feels his face heat up so he buries his face in the detective's shoulder, making him chuckle.

“Shuddup and go back to sleep. Obviously I'm adorable, I get told that all the time.”

“Goodnight Kichi.”

“Yeah yeah, goodnight dummy.”

  
  


After another couple of days of that Kokichis feeling normal again, and his fevers gone.

_ At this point, I'd feel bad staying any longer. It's time to leave. _ Ignoring the wave of sadness that he feels at the realization, he gets up and heads over to Shuichi. After he starts to bring up the topic, Shuichi interrupts him,

“D-do you want to leave? Because honestly, I've enjoyed getting to spend this much time with you. And… I kinda have something that you deserve to know.”

Kokichi just raises an eyebrow and gestures for him to continue. Shuichi takes a deep breath before speaking.

“The, uh, the first night you came here, when you were about to fall asleep, you said you loved me.”

Kokichi freezes. Then opens his mouth to start laughing, lie, say  _ something _ to get him out of this situation, but Shuichi continues speaking.

“I was wondering if it was, uh, true. And please don't lie Kichi, I need the truth.” Shuichi scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, trying to ignore how hot his face feels.

Kokichi just sits there, frozen. Every muscle in his body is tense, wanting to run away, but he can't. And he can't tell the truth, he doesn't  _ want _ to tell the truth, but Shuichi asked him to. But he just can't. 

“O-of course if it was just because you were sick, or you didn't mean it in that way that's fine, I was just curious-”

“Yeah, sorry. I was really damn tired and felt like shit. Obviously I don't love you! I mean you're nice and all but you've gotta be kidding me,” Kokichi lets out a fake laugh, swallowing to try and get the foul taste of his lies out of his mouth. He knows this is gonna hurt Shuichi,  _ he knows it _ , but he just can't seem to take control of his mouth, to stop.

“I'm an evil supreme leader, or did you forget? There's no way I'd fall in love with anyone, let alone someone like you. Oops, sorry, I know how insecure you are. Those words coming out of my mouth must've hurt like a bitch,” and he is sorry,  _ he is sorry- _ “Better go run along to Kaito or Kaede, get some sort of inspirational speech out of one of them that'll keep you semi-functioning for a week or two! Honestly, you rely on them way too much. Do you think you could go like, two weeks without burdening them? I'm sure they'd appreciate it.” Kokichi digs his nails into his palms, trying to stop the flood of cruel words that are pouring out of his mouth. He sees the hurt in Shuichi's eyes and his trembling body. He wants nothing more than to take back his words, apologize and beg for forgiveness,  _ something. _ Hell, he wishes that Shuichi would yell back, hit him, respond in a way that Kokichi deserves.

Instead he just stands there, looking at Kokichi like he just killed all of his hopes and dreams, and maybe that's an even worse punishment.

“Ko-Kokichi I-” Shuichi starts to speak, but Kokichi interrupts before he can get much out of his mouth.

“I came over here to tell you I'm going home, before you so rudely interrupted with your crazy assumptions.” Kokichi can feel something warm and wet start to slowly drip down his hand and realizes his nails broke skin. He's bleeding. It  _ hurts.  _ Despite this he can't seem to unclench his fist, no matter how hard he tries.

“Kokichi, please, just- your  _ hand _ -” Shuichi reaches a hand out to him seeming nervous and worried at the same time, and yet again, Kokichi interrupts, this time stepping back as well.

“I'm gonna head out then. Thanks for nursing me back to health Saihara!” He sees Shuichi flinch yet again when he uses his last name. He wants to hit himself. “Miu’s probably missing my magnificent company so it would really be cruel to stay here any longer. Bye-bye! I’m- sorry.” Kokichi manages to force out a quiet apology before he darts off, through the living room and out the door. He swiftly walks down the street all the while mentally kicking himself. After walking for about five minutes he realizes he has no idea where he is. He glares at his feet for a moment before he pulls out his phone with a groan and calls the only person that comes to mind.

“Hey, I need you to come pick me up. Please Miu, I just fucked up every-fucking-thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks to anyone that's commented or given kudos! sorry if I didn't really get the characterization right, this is my very first fanfic with these characters, and Kokichi's tricky to write.   
> Also, next chapter has Shuichis POV! I hope you read it and enjoy when it comes out!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi thinks, worries, and annoys himself. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, what's up? I'm uh, reallyyyy sorry that its taken me this long to post. I know that it technically hasn't been all that long, but it felt like it since I kinda got used to posting more in shorter time periods. This chapter also isn't really long, (Not that any of them truly are), but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Shuichi stares at the door Kokichi just ran through, trying to process everything that just happened. Logically Shuichi knows he had brought up what Kokichi said, thinking that he deserved to know, and secretly hoping for a confession. He knows that the moment he brought it up, he had the sudden realization that he had made a mistake. He knows that Kokichi threw up a wall, and started to try to push Shuichi away. But it feels so very far away- almost like a dream that he only half remembers. This feeling hazes over his emotions but fades quickly enough, and he's left feeling- well feeling like shit. Complete, and utter _shit._

“You idiot, what did you expect!” Shuichi hisses at himself furiously. “You know, you  _ know  _ how Kokichi is with emotions.” he pauses for a second before flopping down onto his bed with a sigh. His sheets smell like Kokichi. Which really,  _ really _ isn't helping him right now.

_ Hey, at least now you know that Kokichi feels the same way about you. He wouldn't get that defensive and aggressive if he didn't. Focus on that. Focus on that.  _ **_Focus on that._ **

Shuichi tries to let himself be comforted by those thoughts, but the words Kokichi said still hurt. He knows that he's a burden on Kaito and Kaede, but he also knows, (because of many reassurances from them), that they care for him and don't mind helping him with his self-confidence issues.

At least that's what he attempts to tell himself, despite the fact that he's severely doubting everything, and with just a few words from Kokichi. The ultimate supreme leader holds way too much sway over his emotional state, it's almost scary.

With a sudden flash of anger, he clenches his fist and slams it against his mattress as hard as he can. It's not very satisfying seeing as the thing he took his anger out on is extremely soft, but he does feel a bit better.

“I know that he was just being defensive, I know that he probably really didn't mean those things, or even want to say them, I know…” Shuichi stops and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, trying to focus on finding a solution to the problem at hand: reconciliation with Kokichi. He knows that he should talk it over with him, but he can't find it in him to want to be anywhere near Kokichi right now. No matter how he justifies it, and reminds himself that what Kokichi said isn't true, it still hurts, and seeing Kokichi doesn't seem like a good idea. At least not right now- with their emotions all out of whack everything would either go very good, or very bad. Most likely bad, with their luck. Maybe he should try and get in contact with the ultimate luck, and ask him to come with him.

He smiles lightly at his lame joke.

_ Of course you had to fall in love with the most emotionally fucked up person in your life. Even Maki doesn't compare, at least her and Kaito are relatively good at communicating. _ Shuichi rolls his eyes at the thought- those two work together so well because Kaito basically forces her to calm down and communicate. It's kinda funny to watch sometimes. 

Maybe he should take a page out of Kaitos book and force Kokichi to talk about his feelings honestly. But how? Kokichi always manages to slip out of those situations, be it by distracting Shuichi or just plain running away. He's basically an expert at hiding his feelings, and changing the topic without it seeming too obvious. He should be the ultimate evasion master or something. Cornering him will be a pain in the ass. And Shuichi's really not in the right mindset to work on a plan for cornering the ultimate supreme leader right now- his emotions and negative thoughts would just distract him. He should get some sleep, maybe give Kokichi a couple of days to calm down.

But then there's the fact that he just  _ knows _ that if he ignores Kokichi he's going to assume that Shuichi's furious with him. And yeah, Shuichi's frustrated and hurt, but he also knows that Kokichi really didn't want to say those things. The evidence to support that is the blood that is now staining the carpet a couple of feet away from him.

Shuichi frowns. “Self harm had  _ better _ not be a coping mechanism that he uses often.” 

So, to summarize: Shuichi brought up the other night like an idiot, causing Kokichi to freak out, and in his panic Kokichi started to deny what happened. Then, supposedly against his own will, started to insult Shuichi in an attempt to push Shuichi away. In fact, he was so against what he was saying that he was injuring himself in an attempt to stop the words coming out of his mouth. Which despite being horrible, (Shuichi never wants Kokichi to hurt himself) is almost calming in a way. He's known Kokichi long enough to know that when his mouth gets out of his control he tends to just roll with what comes out- when it crosses a boundary he doesn't want crossed he’ll just tag on a, “That was a lie,” and try to move on. But he actually hated the words coming out of his mouth enough to try and stop- which means that Kokichi really didn't mean those words. Not to mention the fact that he did apologize already.

On the other hand, it's worrying. It takes a lot of force to break skin with fingernails, especially just by  _ squeezing. _ And it would hurt, it would hurt a lot. If that much pain wasn't enough for Kokichi to force himself to stop talking, then he must've been  _ really _ opposed to talking about it, so maybe Shuichi shouldn't force him to. But on the other hand, if Shuichi doesn't -

Shuichi shakes his head firmly, reaching for his phone. There's no point in thinking about these things right now, his emotions are still too messy for him to think clearly. Instead he types out a quick text to Kaede, asking her if she's free to hang out. He hesitates before hitting send, Kokichis words ringing through his head. Would he really be burdening her if he asked her to let him vent a bit, and maybe for some advice?

It's then that Shuichi decides that dealing with himself is really frustrating, and even if it was a burden on Kaede, (and it isn't, he's been over this. If anything, his constant need for validation is a burden. And probably really, really annoying), he actually just needs to get over himself and hit send. 

And hit send he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I wasn't really 100% happy with how it turned out, but I was determined to get it out today. You know, I always figured writing from Shuichis POV would be easier than writing from Kokichis, but for me Kokichis way easier to write. I guess I relate to him a bit more? Anyways, I really appreciate your comments and Kudos, and I'm gonna go start to work on the next chapter now!  
> (Also, if you find any mistakes, please do me a favor and point them out. I was half exhausted while writing most of it lol.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi gets some advice from a friend, because he really wasn't making any progress by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out, and I hope you are too!

Shuichi can't help but feel slightly anxious as he exits his apartment and starts walking to the nearby coffee shop that he and Kaede had agreed to meet at. It's not that he's uncomfortable around Kaede, more the opposite. They haven't had the time to actually meet in person in a couple months, despite living relatively close to each other. And it was in those couple months that Shuichi had started getting close to Kokichi, which had its… impacts on Shuichi. He just wasn't completely certain what Kaedes reaction would be.

To start with he had stopped wearing his hat. That was technically because Kokichi kept stealing it, and Shuichi eventually just gave it to him. He couldn't help it, Kokichi looked adorable in it and at that point he had already started falling for the shorter male.

(What Shuichi doesn't know is that Kokichi had started to build the habit of falling asleep with it either on his head or in his arms- it keeps his nightmares away for the most part.)

Without that crutch, he also got slightly more confident- though he still had a habit of tilting his head to that his face was hidden by his hair when he felt anxious. Nonetheless he stuttered less, spoke more, and got anxiety attacks less. (He still misses his hat sometimes despite the fact that not having it has helped him).

Finally, at one point Kokichi had complained about how Shuichi always wore, “dark, emo colors,” and took him out shopping. Due to this, his closet had quite a few more colors in it, though Kokichi didn’t force him to get anything  _ too _ incredibly bright. Just some blues and greens, a couple of purples. Today he was wearing a forest green shirt, and he's hoping that Kaede doesn't make too big a deal out of all these things. 

While he was lost in thought, he didn't realize that he had already reached his destination and almost accidently walked past it.

He heads in to see that Kaede is already there, with two coffees, plus muffins on the table she's sitting at. With a small smile he slides into the seat across from her, and grabs the coffee that he assumes is his, taking a sip. Cream and no sugar, just how he likes it.

“Shuichi! How've you been lately? You look great!” Kaede is grinning at him brightly, and he can't help but grin back.

“Things have actually been pretty good, but you already know that, we text enough. How have you been?”

“I've been awesome! I've got this show coming up that I'm really excited about- but we can talk about that later. Let's talk about you, you obviously have something on your mind!”

“Oh, yeah, there is actually something that I want to ask for your advice on, but do you think we could talk about something else for a little bit? I wanna eat first.” Shuichi gestures to his muffin with a bashful grin as his stomach takes the opportunity to growl. Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't really eaten anything aside from a couple bowls of soup the last few days- he was too focused on helping Kokichi. And Kokichi was too sick to notice and force him to eat like he normally would.

“Of course! Gosh, you just look so… different! More confident, plus you've ditched that hat. And is that color I see you wearing?” Shuichi feels his face heat up as she points out the things he had been hoping she would barely notice.

“Y-yeah, it's been awhile since we've hung out. Uh, K-Kokichi stole my hat.”

“Yeah, you've mentioned that you've been hanging out with him a bit more. Has he been causing you any trouble? He can be a bit…” Kaede stops before finishing the sentence, and shrugs.

Shuichi takes a bite of his muffin before talking. “He can be a bit hard to communicate with, but he's really not that bad once you get to know him. He can even be… kind, in his own way, when he stops hiding everything he feels long enough for me to notice.”

“Wow, you're really much more confident now!”

“I-I guess? As I said, it has been a while. I r-really miss my hat sometimes.”

Kaede giggles before responding, “sooo, who is it that brought these changes in confidence on? Is it perhaps this mystery crush that you've been texting me about?”

Shuichi's face feels like it's on fire, despite his slight confusion.  _ Mystery crush?  _ Sure, Shuichi kept Kokichis identity hidden at first, when it was still just a tiny crush, but had he really never told Kaede his name? He supposes that at first he was hoping that his feelings would disappear, and he was kinda scared that he would be judged for liking Kokichi of all people but…

“Did I really never tell you who he is?”

“Not that I can remember! So who is it that brought out such a startling change in our little Shuichi!” she pauses before adding, “Oh but don't take this the wrong way. I'm glad that you're now more confident in yourself, it's healthy. I probably owe thanks to this person for accomplishing what me and Kaito have been trying to do for years!”

If Shuichi's face could have turned redder he's sure it would have. “W-well, the guy I like is… Kokichi.”

Kaede stares at him for a second before she starts to giggle again. “You- you like Ouma?” she stops when she sees the expression on Shuichi's face and quickly says, “no Shuichi, don't take that the wrong way. Ouma’s… interesting but if he makes you happy I'm happy. I was just a bit surprised. But it does make sense that he managed to help you with your confidence, he does have a rather… large personality. And also, it's just… he's had a crush on you for years, you know? You were blind to it but he was always slightly more truthful, and less harsh with you. Which is really something because for the most part even when he's being honest, he's doing it in a brutal or hurtful way.”

Shuichi smiles bitterly before responding. “Yeah well he's also kinda the reason I texted you. You see, a couple days ago…”

Shuichi explains his situation, starting with him getting called by DICE to go pick up Kokichi. Kaede is a good listener, though she looks a bit angry when Shuichi gets to the part of the story where Kokichi lashes out at him.

“Kaede, I know what you're thinking, but I can tell he really didn't want to be saying those things, you know how he is. Fuck Kaede, he  _ hurt himself _ in an attempt to stop talking. And he apologized before running away. I'm not expecting you to be happy with him, but please don't be too mad at him.”

Kaede gets a thoughtful look on her face before she looks him in the eye and says, “I can't give you very much advice on this, I was never really close to Kokichi. What I can say is that you should give him a day or two to cool off before you do anything, if you decide to say anything that is.” She pauses and takes a deep breather before continuing. “And for what it's worth, I really think Kokichi’s good for you when he's not… freaking out. And since you guys feel the same way about each other, I think you would both be better off if you guys talked it out. You guys would probably end up dating as well, though I'm sure talking about something that serious with Kokichi would be… difficult to say the least.”

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes while Shuichi thinks about Kaedes response. Shuichi looks up with a soft smile once he's thought everything she said through. 

“Thanks Kaede. Even talking to someone else about it was really helpful, and so was your advice. Now, you mentioned a concert?”

It's a blatant change of subject, but Shuichi has already gotten all the advice he needs, and is ready to shift to lighter conversation.

Luckily Kaede seems to understand that, and happily starts to talk about the new piece she's learning.

In what feels like no time at all, it's gotten dark outside, and Shuichi realizes he's going to have to head home.

They pay, (Splitting the bill, so as to avoid any arguments), and separate at the door with goodbye hugs, and Shuichi promises Kaede that he'll keep her up to date on what happens with Kokichi.

Shuichi gets home and takes a quick shower after eating some leftover soup. Before he climbs into bed he sends Kokichi a text. He doesn't want him to think he ruined their friendship, or that Shuichi was angry with him. 

You:  _ How's your hand? If you haven't already, make sure to bandage and disinfect it, okay Kichi? I hope you made it home okay. _

He doesn't get a response, but he wasn't really expecting one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I really appreciate comments and Kudos! I'm not really sure how good my characterization of Kaede was but I'm hoping she wasn't too OOC. I'm hoping to get the next chapter out on Christmas, kinda as a present, but I cant make any promises since I haven't started it yet. On the other hand, its back in Kokichis point of view, so it should be easier for me to write. Happy holidays!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Hi? I know, I said I was gonna post a chapter on Christmas and now look at me weeks later. I'm really, really sorry that it took so long to get this chapter out- I've been having an extremely hard time with everything lately, and tried multiple times to write this chapter. Lets just say those attempts didn't end well, and I wasn't going to post it if it sucked. I've had a couple of decent days though and managed to get something I'm relatively happy with. Sorry if there's any mistakes- I wrote and edited most of it today. Like twenty minutes ago lol. Anyways, I'm really sorry about how long this took, and I hope you enjoy!

Kokichi Ouma, for once in his life, doesn't know what to say.

He is currently sitting in the back seat of Miu’s car, trying to pretend that he doesn't feel how tense the air between them is. And trying to figure out why it's tense in the first place.

He almost immediately knew that something was wrong when she pulled up next to the curb he was sitting at, and gave him a greeting that sounded almost… kind. She then locked the passenger door, basically forcing him into the back seat so he would be more “comfortable”.

Okay, so maybe tense was a bit more how he was feeling at her out of character kindness.

The entire ride back to their shared apartment was spent in silence, which made it hard for Kokichi to keep his mind off of what had happened back at Shuichi's apartment. He feels horrible about it, and he regrets it, really. Despite this he can't help but feel almost relieved at having gotten away from the situation without having to say the truth. Part of him hopes that Shuichi puts his detective brain to use and figures out that he was lying- that is, if Shuichi reciprocates.

_ I'm pretty sure he doesn't; after all, a liar is a really hard type of person to fall in love with, let alone stay in love. _

“Were here bra- Ouma.” 

Kokichi can hear her muttering under her breath as she gets out of the car, and follows her into the apartment complex slowly.  _ Something is definitely up. _

They get inside the apartment and Kokichi flops onto the couch with a sigh of relief. Normally he wouldn't have stayed quiet for this long in while in the presence of another person, (except maybe Shuichi), but when he did try to talk Miu only gave him friendly but stilted answers, so he gave up.

Finally he hears Miu sigh then move to stand in front of him. “S-so, do you want to… talk about whatever you did? I’m-  _ here  _ for you if you need to,” Kokichi stares at her as she practically spits out the words as if they’re painful to say and he finally runs out of patience.

“What the ever loving  _ fuck _ is up with you Miu?”

Miu looks shocked, and flushes before standing up straight and looking down at him. “I'm trying to be nice you ungrateful brat!”

Kokichi freezes, only able to croak out a quiet “what?”

He hates that he doesn't have enough energy to throw up a mask- he's still feeling tired from his fever, and he used up a lot of what energy he  _ did _ have in the confrontation with Shuichi.

Miu explains, “w-well, I've never heard you sound that genuinely upset, and I was kinda freaking out because I'm not good at being supportive! And, and so I called Kiibo, and he just told me to be nice but-”

Kokichi snorts. “Wait, you wanted advice on how to handle emotions so you asked the  _ robot _ for help?”

“That's not the point you Shota! I was just  _ trying-” _

“Well stop. I called you because I didn't want that fake concern bullshit, and that's not a lie. Also, you have a car and I live with you so it was really convenient.”

“Well thanks, that's touching. Now what the fuck did you do?” Miu snaps at him.

Kokichi can feel himself relax incrementally. This is good, this is normal. Miu doesn't look like she's in physical pain anymore, so Kokichi won't feel bad insulting her.

“Well since you so graciously asked, my beloved Shumai has been  _ murdered! _ ”

“Cut the shit, I'm trying to be nice but my patience is running real fucking thin- either tell me what you did, or go find a way out of whatever hole you dug on your own.”

Kokichi feels his face go blank from surprise for a second, before he grins, saying, “well then, I guess I have to tell you, huh? Sooooo, Shuichi kidnapped me from my super secret organization because they thought I was sick, right? I ended up staying at his place for a while, he said he told you. Anyways, today I went to tell him I was feeling better, not that I ever felt sick in the first place, and he said that the first night, in my sickness and sleepiness, I confessed my love to him! Crazy right?” Kokichi takes a breath before continuing, “and me, being the amazing person that always has complete control of his mouth, managed to deny it, insult him, and hurt myself all at once. Impressive, right? Like seriously, I lost control of my mouth and brought up his insecurities, and- he probably hates me now. And my hand fucking  _ hurts _ !”

Miu just stares at him for a few seconds and Kokichi feels himself start to get a bit nervous. He's very rarely this emotionally vulnerable with  _ anyone _ , save Shuichi on occasion.

His train of thought is derailed as Miu bursts into laughter. “Oh my god- you what?”

Kokichi forces himself to burst into tears- he's feeling enough emotional turmoil to make it easier than normal. 

“Wahhh, Miu’s so mean! How could you? I'm really upset with myself right now!” he quickly shifts his expression. It's harder than it usually is for some reason.

“Nishishi, but maybe that's a lie?”

Miu calms down pretty quickly and measures him with a glare. “I thought I said to cut the bullshit. Anyways, I wasn't laughing at you or what you did- well, I kinda was BUT I was mainly laughing at you thinking Poo-ichi hates you. I know you're an idiot, but it's so obvious that he has a thing for you! Even if he just had platonic feelings for you- which isn't true- you guys are way too close for him to just decide to hate you because you're a little bit mean. In fact I bet he already used that big detective brain of his to figure out that you didn't really mean any of it.” 

_ Did Miu just… say something composed and thoughtful? _

His face must've gone completely blank because Miu starts to squirm, a light flush creeping up her cheeks. “W-why are you staring at me? I mean, I understand if you want-”

“Okay! Lets not allow you to finish that sentence because we both know I'm hella gay and even if I wasn't we both know that you couldn't be farther from my type you slutty cum-dumpster. And… thanks, I guess. I really couldn't help staring- you said something that sounded thought through and I think my brain short circuited!”

“Fuck you, you little shit! You'd be lucky to have a night with me, even if girls aren't your thing!” Miu sputters indignantly.

“You wish~” Kokichis grinning again, and this time it feels a little bit more genuine. He's still worried and angry and his hand is throbbing, but he doesn't feel like he ate a bunch of slimy tentacles anymore, so it's a start.

“Anyways, if you were sick you should go to your room, I don't want your gross germs on me.” Miu cackles loudly then gets up. “If you're still depressed you gotta bother someone else. I have a date with Kiibo.”

“Awww, you're just leaving your sick roommate all alone to go on a date with Kiiboy? You're so mean!”

“I feel all gross after cheering you up, you gremlin. Unless you wanna do something a bit more fun-”

“Ewww, okay yeah, please go away.”

Miu sticks out her tongue at him before leaving the apartment, leaving Kokichi alone once again.

He can feel the grin slowly melt off of his face, and lets out a snort of laughter. He let himself be comforted by Miu but he still doesn't think Shuichi's gonna want anything to do with him for a bit, which is just great.

He decides to get up and head to his room, regretting it almost immediately as he feels his head cloud up a bit and his vision gets fuzzy.

_ Freaking headrush. I really, really want a nap.  _

Once everything straightens out he heads to his bedroom. He knows that he's still dealing with the consequences of a fever, but he just wants to feel better already, it's getting really annoying.

He closes and locks his bedroom door (Miu has no sense of privacy) before flopping down onto his bed with an exaggerated sigh. He falls asleep quickly, welcoming the quiet darkness of sleep.

He wakes up a few hours later to the sound of a notification. After groaning and complaining about being woken up he rolls over and checks to see who saw fit to text him at this ungodly hour. (it's actually nine in the afternoon but he was  _ sleeping _ ).

Shumai <3:  _ How's your hand? If you haven't already, make sure to bandage and disinfect it, okay Kichi? I hope you made it home okay. _

Kokichi stares at his phone for a couple seconds processing that Shuichi texted him and was concerned about him, not angry- though now that he thinks about it Shuichi is too kind, too forgiving to really be angry with him. And for some reason that makes  _ Kokichi _ angry, because Shuichi shouldn't be okay with what he said. He  _ should _ be angry, furious even. Shuichi was just trying to have a conversation with him and Kokichi got defensive and lashed out like- like a cornered animal, and Shuichi doesn't deserve that. He's good and kind and  _ honest _ , basically everything Kokichi’s not and-

His train of thought is cut off by a sudden pain in his hand. He looks down to see that he had unconsciously been digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand- which was now starting to bleed again. Great. 

With a sigh he goes to follow Shuichi's advice and take care of his hand. Getting blood all over his blankets would be a pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Comments and Kudos are really, really appreciated. They motivate me better than like, the promise of free kittens so, yeah.  
> Stay safe!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Look at me, putting out the next chapter in a decent amount of time! I put a lot of effort into this chapter, and I'm hoping it shows? I edited it like twenty times lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the last chapter of this story! I'm planning on talking about a couple ideas I'm thinking about writing in the end notes, so if you're interested in that read them!

Shuichi decides to give it a few days before he talks to Kokichi, with the hope of speaking to him with a clear head. It also gives Shuichi some time to ruminate on how he should corner Kokichi into having a serious conversation. He can't help being scared that Kokichi doesn't actually have feelings for him, that he's fooling himself, but he tries his best to ignore those thoughts when they come. 

He's pretty sure they're not true. At least he hopes they’re not, and he isn't just taking things out of context.

He continues sending Kokichi texts like he normally would- commenting on a case he's working, what he's having for breakfast, little things like that. Things that Kokichi won't feel obligated to respond to, even if it irritates him when he doesn't. Well, he does respond a couple times- he points out something he didn't notice in the case he's working, and makes a joke about Shuichi's slightly burnt dinner, which Shuichi supposes is better than nothing, but… Shuichi’s really trying, and Kokichi’s not making it very easy, not that he expected him to in the first place. Kokichi’s just a kind of difficult person.

He’s surprised to get a call from Iruma three days after Kokichi fled from his apartment.

“Iruma? Is something wrong? You never call me unless Kokichi’s making you, or something.”

“Yeah Poo-ichi, something is wrong! Kokichi’s being even more insufferable than normal and you need to get your ass over here and make out before I lose my goddamn mind!” Shuichi can't help but flinch away from the phone as Iruma starts yelling at him.

_ Make out? Doesn't she mean make up? _

Nevermind, she definitely meant make out. It's Iruma after all.

“W-what did he do?”

Iruma groans. “What didn't the little bastard do? He's locked up in his room most of the time, and when he's not he's bothering me! And he's at like, max level. Like, a different prank every two minutes, constant infuriating lies- he's acting the way he did when he drank all those energy drinks a few months ago! Except this time all I’ve seen him drink is that stupid soda so he cant even blame it on caffeine!”

Shuichi winces in sympathy. He remembers that incident- he thought he was never going to get any sleep with Kokichi texting or calling him every five minutes. Eventually he just silenced his phone- even he doesn't have that much patience for Kokichi. At least he didn't at that point, he would probably let himself suffer now. God he's fucked. He'd let Kokichi keep him up all night with prank calls and nonsense, just to make him happy. Oh well, he has insomnia, it's not like he gets much sleep anyways.

“I'm, ah, really sorry. I really just wanted to give us both some space before we talked about it-”

“And that's not even the worst part! Every time you fucking text him he drops whatever he's holding- the floor in the kitchen is  _ sticky _ now because you texted when he was drinking that stupid soda he likes. Then he’ll read your texts and get that stupid blank look on his face, you know the one. Of course that leads to him either hiding in his room or terrorizing me- what are you even texting him about? Oh, is it something dirty? Ohh are you-”

Shuichi feels his face heat up and he groans. “I-Iruma! We’re not- listen, I'm really sorry. I was actually planning on heading over to your place tomorrow and forcing him to talk at least somewhat honestly if that makes it better? Hopefully it'll be over soon? I might need your help to get into his room though.” Shuichi doubts Kokichi will want to talk, so he’ll need to think outside the box to get in.

“It had  _ better _ fucking be. I don't know  _ what _ I was thinking when I let him move in with me. And I'll do anything if it’ll stop this bullshit. I’ve gotta go now- WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU SHRIMPDICK!”

Shuichi stares down at his phone as Iruma hangs up on him. Normally he doesn't feel much sympathy for her (with the way she acts it's probably karma or something), but nobody deserves to deal with Kokichi when he's like this. Nobody. 

Not that Shuichi minds dealing with him like this as much as everyone else seems to- he almost enjoys spending time with him when he's lashing out because he knows that eventually the facade he's holding up will crumble and he’ll tell Shuichi what's bothering him. (Plus Shuichi has a feeling that Kokichi’s less cruel with him than he is with anyone else when he's like that).

With a grimace he realizes that he now has no choice but to actually go and confront Kokichi tomorrow, so he should probably think through what he’s going to say again.

_ I feel kind of bad for basically coming up with a plan to confess- aren't these things meant to be passionate? But I think that if I don't I'm going to end up wimping out, or letting Kokichi freak out and run away again. And it's not really a  _ plan _ \- Kokichi’s too unpredictable for that. Just… how to deal with him when he does certain things. _

He's surprised to hear a chime from his phone, and see a message from Iruma.

The Amazing Ultimate Supreme Leaders perverted inventor roommate (Iruma): _ I’ll get you into his fucking room or whatever you need, but if you don't work things out with him I can’t promise I wont be going to jail for murder. _

Shuichi almost never gets texts from Miu, so he's surprised to see that her name is different from what he set it to. Kokichi must have gotten a hold of his phone and changed it.

Shuichi lets himself grin for a moment before he acknowledges the content of the message. With a sigh (he's been doing that a lot lately, huh?), he thinks through everything again. Making a mistake at this point could be disastrous, and he refuses to mess this up.

  
  


Kokichi’s hiding under his blankets in his dark bedroom with a Grape Panta and some sweets, thinking about what he can do to annoy Miu next, when he hears a knock on his bedroom door. Which is weird, because Miu never knocks (If the doors unlocked she just barges in with barely a crude warning, and if it  _ is _ locked she just yells at him), and she had seemingly started to enjoy the time he spent in his bedroom, as he wasn't messing with her. He almost feels bad but it's Miu, so, not really.

“No one’s home!” he half shouts at the door from within his blanket cocoon.

“Ah let me in you little shit, I’ve got some of that stupid soda you like so much.”

Kokichi narrows his eyes. Miu’s never gotten him Panta before, at least not without him blackmailing her or something of the sort. Nonetheless he slowly untangles himself from the blanket and walks over to the door.

“What are you talking about, I hate Panta! I only drink it because I like having a purple tongue. I think it looks fun.”

“Come on you brat, open up. That wasn't even a good lie, I honestly just feel bad for you at this point.” Miu sounds exhausted. Maybe she's just trying to keep him happy so he goes longer without pranking her?

Kokichi unlocks the door and cautiously cracks it open- only to be knocked flat on his ass as Miu throws her body weight against the door violently, forcing it all the way open. Kokichi sees a figure rush inside, closing the door swiftly behind it. It barely takes a second for Kokichi to recognize the figure as Shuichi, and his heart sinks. Of course he wouldn’t give Kokichi a choice in talking about what happened.

Outwardly, his face breaks into a massive grin. “Ah, my beloved detective! Sorry, this is really a bad time, I have a meeting with DICE that I need to be at in five minutes, so we really don't have the time to talk-”

“I know that's a lie Kokichi, I already checked with DICE to make sure you didn't have anything planned with them. They were all worried about you, you know. They said you haven't contacted them since they sent you off with me. And, uh, sorry that you got knocked over. I knew you wouldn't let me in and Miu was a bit more… forceful than I expected. I think she was taking out her frustrations with you on the door.” Shuichi rubs the back of his neck sheepishly with an apologetic smile on his face. “Here.” he holds his hand out to Kokichi, obviously meaning to help him up. Kokichi just lays down further on the floor. He's not sure if he can worm his way out of this, but if he can't he's certainly not going to make it easy for Shuichi.

_ What did I do to deserve this? _

Shuichi's face falls and he rubs his arms nervously. “I-I thought we should talk.”

Kokichi glares at Shuichi, but stays silent. He doesn't want to talk, and Shuichi  _ can't _ make him.

“P-please?”

Kokichi just turns his head to the side with a pout. He's  _ not _ going to do this, because Shuichi's smart, and sees through his lies, and-

And he  _ really _ just wants to go back to sleep. In a perfect world he'd be asleep in bed with Shuichi, cuddled up together, warm and soft and  _ safe _ . Not dealing with the consequences of Kokichi’s inability to control his mouth when he panics.

“K-Kichi, please.” Shuichi sounds desperate, and Kokichi closes his eyes because that's not  _ fair _ . He can't use that nickname against him, can’t use that tone of voice, because then it seems like not having Kokichi talking to him is causing him pain. Which isn't  _ right _ , because Kokichi causes pain whenever he talks, with his lies and defensiveness.

“Come on Kokichi, I'm not mad, so can we please just-”

And Kokichi’s composure snaps. “How can you say that like it's a good thing? You SHOULD be mad at me, you should be furious and you should hate me because I'm nothing but cruel and selfish. I'm a burden- I couldn’t even hide the fact that I was sick, and ended up forcing you to take care of me! I'm a liar, I'm constantly hurting the people I care about, hurting  _ you _ just because I can't handle a serious conversation! You  _ shouldn't _ forgive me, because I deserve to have you hate me, and the other day was just one example for why! Whenever something bad happens, instead of just fixing it or talking about it like a normal person I take it out on the people around me with pranks and insults, and I take it out on  _ you  _ because you never get angry enough to just leave me! You just keep forgiving and forgiving, and I don't get it, it just allows me to cause you more pain! You'd be better off, we both know it, I don't understand  _ why _ you stay around me, keep coming back when all I ever FUCKING do is push you away! How could you ever love me back, or even  _ care  _ for me? I don't deserve it.” Kokichi hadn't even noticed that he was standing until he was right in front of Shuichi, fists clenched and eyes burning.

They just stand there, the silence ringing in Kokichis ears, until Shuichi steps forward and wraps his arms around him, and Kokichi can't do anything other than grab fistfuls of Shuichi's jacket and sob into his chest loudly. When had he started crying? He doesn't know and he can't find it in himself to care because Shuichi's  _ warm _ and  _ firm  _ and hugging him tightly, and gently guiding him over to the bed, where they sit down, and Kokichi feels like he should probably move away but he  _ can't _ , and he doesn't want to. Shuichi seems fine with it though because all he does is hug him tighter and for that Kokichi is endlessly grateful.

“Kokichi, you don't deserve to be hated. Your pranks are harmless, and whenever you do cross a line you make up for it, even if you don't apologize outright. Remember when you accidentally set fire to Kaedes piano?”

Kokichi sniffs before he answers. “Yeah, I thought Maki was gonna kill me for making her friend that upset.” then he quietly adds, “I felt horrible about that you know.”

“I thought she was going to as well. But do you also remember how you went to every single one of her recitals for months after that? And I know that you're the one that sent her flowers after all of them as well. She knew too, after all very few people use a purple pen on  _ everything _ .”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Kokichi mumbles as he slowly starts to relax in Shuichi's arms.

“And I won't lie to you, I was hurt by some of the things you said. But I think I was more upset by the fact that you ended up hurting yourself. I knew that you didn't mean the things you said to me, I always know that you don't mean the things you say when you go on your little rants. I know that it's just you being defensive, and I know that you can't help it. And you know what Kokichi?”

Kokichi feels compelled to look up at Shuichi as he continues.

“I love you. I won't let you push me away, I'll always come back because you make me so, so happy. Because I love you for all your lies. Because I live for the moments where you let yourself be honest and vulnerable with me. I still love you when you prank me, and I still love you when you need my help, because to me you'll never be a burden, just because you're  _ you _ . And Kokichi, you are so far from selfish it's not even funny. Even if you don't let it show you'd do  _ anything _ for the people you care about and you  _ know it _ . So please don't think those things about yourself because they aren't true. You are lovable, and I'm the proof. Because Kokichi, I love you so much, I don't think anything you do could ever make me truly hate you. Even if you can't see it you are  _ good. _ ”

Kokichi stares up at him, shocked. Because  _ Shuichi loves him _ , and Kokichi feels this warm feeling in his chest, and he can't stop himself from pulling Shuichi down and kissing him.

Shuichi sits there frozen for a couple moments, and Kokichi’s about to pull away before Shuichi starts kissing him back and it's all Kokichi imagined and somehow  _ more _ , because it's real and it's Shuichi, and  _ Shuichi loves him back. _

And Shuichi's the one that pulls away first, gasping for air, and saying “I love you but I need to  _ breathe _ Kichi!”

And then Kokichi’s giggling, and after a second Shuichi joins in, and Kokichi just feels  _ so happy _ , and he never wants this moment to stop.

And then they just sit there in silence, holding each other, and Kokichi wants to say something but he doesn't know what, so he just stays silent.

“S-so does this mean we’re… dating now?” Shuichi mumbles after a few minutes, and Kokichi looks up at him with a soft smile.

“I'd love that. And that's not a lie. And I'm… sorry that I hurt you, it wasn't okay and I know that, even if you knew that what I said wasn't true, and that I didn't mean it, I still mentioned things you were insecure about. I used the fact that you trusted me enough to tell me things that you worried about to hurt you, which was wrong. I uh, love you too. I’m sorry that I couldn't say it sooner.”

Shuichi grins and leans down to kiss him again, and Kokichi thinks his face is probably a little red but he doesn't mind. Because Shuichi's never looked as beautiful as he does in Kokichis dark bedroom, with the biggest grin Kokichis ever seen on his face.

And Kokichi thinks that maybe if he's able to cause that expression on Shuichi's face, he might not be as bad of a person as he's always thought of himself as.

“If you're gonna fuck then do it somewhere else, I don't wanna know what kinda kinky shit that little gremlin is into!” they hear Miu yell and Shuichi turns bright red.

“That fucking slutty bitch!” Kokichi starts to get up, intending to storm out of his room and yell at Miu, but Shuichi's hand around his wrist stops him.

“It's fine, that's her way of congratulating us and you know it.” Shuichi's face is still bright red and Kokichi can't help but tease him because it's adorable.

“Awww, are you really that embarrassed at the thought of sex? You're so cute!”

“Hey-”

Kokichi interrupts him with another kiss, Shuichi immediately melting into it, and he thinks he could probably get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed the story!   
> So I've been thinking about other fics I might want to write, and I already have a couple ideas. I really wanna do a phantom thief AU, because they're my favorite.   
> I also have fic I've already started planning that's in game, but Shuichi wakes up in the same room as Kokichi, as opposed to Kaede. Expect any Danganronpa v3 fics to be Oumasai/Saiouma centric.   
> Um, I have a couple other short fic ideas that I'll probably be posting sooner than the long fics, since I want to have made a good amount of progress on those before I start posting them so I hopefully don't end up abandoning them.  
> Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed my first fic, and, uh, yeah! I feel so accomplished, I've never actually finished anything I've written before.


End file.
